Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
