I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
