Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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