Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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