Is it because I queefed?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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