Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
