i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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