My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
