I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
