I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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