You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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