I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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