so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
