i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
