he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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