I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need to sanitize my soul.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
