In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
