my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
