I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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