Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
