Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
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If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Success! We fucked roommates!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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