i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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