I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
