If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
