She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is my gift to your gina
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize