Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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