just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
