I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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