i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
