But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
