ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
