My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
