I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
