morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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