Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
