You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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