go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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