dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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