People in love make me want to vomit
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
