They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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