They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
