I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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