4 words: hood of his car
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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