her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had to cum in my sink.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
