i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
