whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
