1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
