Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
