Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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