I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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