i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
