A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
