the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
