This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
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I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
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I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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