So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
