Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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