dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
