It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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