I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
