he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
