lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
