woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
