It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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