also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
