What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
