sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
