How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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