i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
