So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
