what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have tasted many bathrooms
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
