her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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