There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
